Almost 2 months had passed and i`m here. Yep still here. People should have known so yeah i should just say it out. Everything ended. I don`t know how i got about it but it ended. Just like that. We quarrelled just about a mistake and what shocked me was.. you didn`t even gave me another chance even tho you said you did. You left. And the next thing was there were so many girls you were talking to. This and that. And the last time you texted me was before you left for holidays with your friends.
I know, i know it`s my fault. I`ve repeated so many times it was my fault. I was dumb, i was stupid. Yep you can say whatever you like, like i didn`t think about anything or anybody or what the hell i was doing at that point of time. Im insecure. I am and every girl is. Perhaps that time was too much and yes i was overboard. I struggle everyday thinking what would i do if i lost you. I cried, so hard thinking it was unfair for you who have done so many things for me. What had i done even after you tried so hard assuring me that i am the one.
The next thing i knew, school started and you didn`t even talk to me. We didn`t talk. At all. And when i asked you told me there was nothing wrong with you, it was just me and my vibes. I don`t know what made you feel that way bcoz you know that it`s not normal. You keep saying everything is but imagine in one table, you talked to everyone except for one person? In one table, you share whatever you have except for one person? In one table you look at everybody except for one person?
What broke my heart was when you told Leeya that you didn`t had any feelings or thoughts to be with me. You told her that you treated me as your bestfriend. You told her that all these things we shared were just normal to you. You told her that you didn`t care anymore. You told her you deleted all our messages. You told her that you didn`t like insecurity girls like me. You told her that i always liked to bring up the past about your ex dates. You told her that the way i asked questions at times doesn`t give him the basic respect and trust. You told her that i shouldn`t expect anything from him. And you told her that you didn`t like people who doesn`t like to be straightforward.
What broke my heart. What broke my heart. What broke my heart literally was when you the one who told me that you wanted us to work out and you had a commitment to it. And after what happened you just left me just like that so where did all the commitment go? Where did everything go? You can`t just leave a person after saying and doing so much. You don't leave just.like.that.
If you didn`t have any feelings or whatever then why did you bother doing so much for me. If you said you only treated me like a bestfriend then what are those hugs and kisses and sweet promises for. I don`t know what is normal for you, but all these aren`t normal for me. I bring up the past not bcoz i love talking about how things are before, but that`s what we always do,share things and if i could listen wholeheartedly to you and your talks every single day and how you talk about your exdates, why couldnt you just let me say something. You talk about respect and trust yet you didn`t even trust me and give me that one more chance. You talk about me not being straightforward but have you. You didn`t even tell me you didn`t want this anymore and you even agreed on being like how we used to. When i rant at twitter you went so angry and say all those nasty words about me bitching online. Why can't i say those words when they are true and why can`t you being straightforward and just tell me everything. Why can`t you do the same when you told me to.
What shocked me was you moved on so fine.. you took things like it never happened and you see on other girls. No i`m not angry that you are checking out on girls but it just amazed me. How can you just do all these.. how can you really do all these while i`m still here thinking so much and slowly picking up the pieces to move on.
I tried so hard. I tried so hard.. so hard Sharul Asyraf. :'( To be honest i didn`t expect us to happen but surprisingly it did. And i didn`t expect us to end just like this. I thought you are the one. Honestly you are the one bcoz you changed me, you made me feel that there are still guys like you willing to be with someone like me. You made me believe so much in you and you kept things going so perfectly. You are so special to me.. so special to me that i can`t help to try to convince myself what we are today. I just couldn`t get it till today why can`t we solve this just like how we usually did. I don`t get it why there are so much anger in you that you put in me when i was the one trying so hard to find the right words just to make you feel better. I don`t know why or how did you went so patient towards girls whom you known previously who treated you so bad and yet you have every step to reply them so nicely, why can`t you just do the same for me..why.
I fall for you, perhaps too hard. The one who changed everyone`s mindset. My friends and family. The one who took every mile just to fetch me and send me home. The one who never fails to call me every night and rants all his stories to me. The one who introduced almost everyone to me. The one who shows how much he loves his baby brothers. The one who have such amazing family and all of the lovely and caring friends he`s got. The one who is charming and gets alot of the girls attention in school. The one who being an emcee for the day just for me. The one who said how much he loved this smile of mine and would rather be here with me. The one who said he didn`t wanna lose me. But the one who healed my heart.. broke it. Every inch of it. I thought i`ve found the perfect guy, but i guess the 'perfect' guy whom i thought he is has not found his yet.
I`ve planned so many things in my mind if things were to happen between us one day. That one fine day called 'official'. But sadly it it didn't, did it.
I didn`t gave up, i let go. And that`s how i try everyday.
Insyaallah.
So hello everybody, life has been very very good these days. Can`t be more thankful than whatever or whoever that has happened to me. Especially with this guy around. :)
Somethings always have to happen. And as for me, i was dumb and i asked a stupid bloody question. A stupid question that made me thinked alot these past few days. I knew i was not supposed to ask that question. The case was closed long time ago but i just had to. Itchy fingers needs to do this. And it really hurt this Mr above there. And we had a kinda-misunderstanding-argument. He was disappointed, i was disappointed too. He was disappointed bcoz he tot i didn`t trust him. I was disappointed bcoz i just cannot stop myself from being so dumb.
It goes like that, i cried for days and days realizing it was all stupid. I knew i should`t have done that. My insecurities level was too high i couldn`t control myself. Why did i even asked that question when all these while.. he has been giving me so much respect,care,concern,attention and last but not least love. Why did i even asked that question when i was on his mind for almost 24/7, at work, at the garage, while even with his friends, while cycling, while playing his psp, FIFA12 with his friends, while at the makan place, at the fishing place, and a whole load more. Why, Nisah, why?
I could feel the disappointment till now. I know he`s trying to hide it but i can still feel it. I asked for another chance and yes.. i got them.
"Just don`t disappoint me ok. Time,money,effort doesn`t matter, just don`t disappoint me."
Somethings always have to happen. And as for me, i was dumb and i asked a stupid bloody question. A stupid question that made me thinked alot these past few days. I knew i was not supposed to ask that question. The case was closed long time ago but i just had to. Itchy fingers needs to do this. And it really hurt this Mr above there. And we had a kinda-misunderstanding-argument. He was disappointed, i was disappointed too. He was disappointed bcoz he tot i didn`t trust him. I was disappointed bcoz i just cannot stop myself from being so dumb.
It goes like that, i cried for days and days realizing it was all stupid. I knew i should`t have done that. My insecurities level was too high i couldn`t control myself. Why did i even asked that question when all these while.. he has been giving me so much respect,care,concern,attention and last but not least love. Why did i even asked that question when i was on his mind for almost 24/7, at work, at the garage, while even with his friends, while cycling, while playing his psp, FIFA12 with his friends, while at the makan place, at the fishing place, and a whole load more. Why, Nisah, why?
I could feel the disappointment till now. I know he`s trying to hide it but i can still feel it. I asked for another chance and yes.. i got them.
"Just don`t disappoint me ok. Time,money,effort doesn`t matter, just don`t disappoint me."
Haiz. I am sorry Sharul, i am the biggest disappointment to you now. I know we are still working this out. I don`t know why at some point of time i feel that you don`t really want to talk just yet.. :( But slowly and surely, it will all get back into place. I am not going to lie too that i`ve always wanted this to work out. Always. Hearing you saying that to me the first time gets me going,gets me believing that there is an opportunity for us. I am not perfect, i am not the best, not the prettiest, not the perfect one but i can promise you that these things won`t happen again and that i`ll be there for you always. Please don`t let go. :,(
I`ve always wanted to be that responsible,caring,honest,understanding girlfriend that a guy wants. And there is no doubt that i`ve been trying to get there all these while while i am with you. Maybe not to the right expectation yet, but still trying and trying. My relationship with my previous one ended bcoz i was too dumb to even be in his life,i tried to be the best but i wasn`t in his eyes bcoz he went to find it in others. But now i`ve been given the best, aren`t i Sharul? And that`s you. Why would i want to find someone else now? Please let me try again.. again and once more.
If you are talking about lust then i have to disagree on that, bcoz lust doesn`t have all the things you have been giving me - lots and lots of care,concern,attention,a listening ear,understanding and loads of understandings, quarreling, encouragement, your trust to me and last but not least - your love. And it`s not bcoz of lust, bcoz lust don`t have all the things that i have been trying too - knowing your friends, your closefriends, your bestfriends, your family, your life, your love life towards soccer and what more importantly yourself - The always- angry-guy-where-almost-everybody-is-scared-to-ask-questions. Bcoz i have always loved that same Sharul just the way he is from the very start. From that very start. That smile, that comfort, that joy and that laughter i`ve always heard from him. And nothing can change that. Nothing.
Now before i start crying.. i guess i should stop now. Last thing, i miss you. Everyday, every second, every step i take. All the things we`ve done and went thru together have always been the happiest thing to me. And is still & will still be. And let me promise you this - if you are staying i will always keep trying. For now, let`s take a deeeeeeeeeep breathe and smile, pray and pray that things will get better. Things like this always gets better in time, right?
Insyaallah Allah.. insyaallah.
I`ve always wanted to be that responsible,caring,honest,understanding girlfriend that a guy wants. And there is no doubt that i`ve been trying to get there all these while while i am with you. Maybe not to the right expectation yet, but still trying and trying. My relationship with my previous one ended bcoz i was too dumb to even be in his life,i tried to be the best but i wasn`t in his eyes bcoz he went to find it in others. But now i`ve been given the best, aren`t i Sharul? And that`s you. Why would i want to find someone else now? Please let me try again.. again and once more.
If you are talking about lust then i have to disagree on that, bcoz lust doesn`t have all the things you have been giving me - lots and lots of care,concern,attention,a listening ear,understanding and loads of understandings, quarreling, encouragement, your trust to me and last but not least - your love. And it`s not bcoz of lust, bcoz lust don`t have all the things that i have been trying too - knowing your friends, your closefriends, your bestfriends, your family, your life, your love life towards soccer and what more importantly yourself - The always- angry-guy-where-almost-everybody-is-scared-to-ask-questions. Bcoz i have always loved that same Sharul just the way he is from the very start. From that very start. That smile, that comfort, that joy and that laughter i`ve always heard from him. And nothing can change that. Nothing.
Now before i start crying.. i guess i should stop now. Last thing, i miss you. Everyday, every second, every step i take. All the things we`ve done and went thru together have always been the happiest thing to me. And is still & will still be. And let me promise you this - if you are staying i will always keep trying. For now, let`s take a deeeeeeeeeep breathe and smile, pray and pray that things will get better. Things like this always gets better in time, right?
Insyaallah Allah.. insyaallah.
Bila rindu, ku sebut namamu..Hands down to the last day of submission of DSG! I almost cried bcoz everything didn`t looked okay when i printed it all out. And i didn`t know we were only supposed to have 5 links. I had 7. Killer bcoz at first 2 of the pages didn`t worked. Ms Nair said she didn`t mind about how it looked on paper. Hahahaa i hope she really doesn`t and would look at the website itself!
Over and done with. Thank you to Amirah Wahabbbbb for helping me the whole week! Treat for you soon kakak! Heh heh.
Ok so here`s the print preview of my website..
Over and done with. Thank you to Amirah Wahabbbbb for helping me the whole week! Treat for you soon kakak! Heh heh.
Ok so here`s the print preview of my website..
My banner.
And my poster.
Satisfied with it alhamdulillah. Just hoping this brings some good news! Insyaallah.
Holiday-ing for now and loveeeeeee it already. Pretty please i`ll get the temporary job with Fana. And goodluck to dearest IEH for the upcoming exams! YOU CAN DO IT! :)
Holiday-ing for now and loveeeeeee it already. Pretty please i`ll get the temporary job with Fana. And goodluck to dearest IEH for the upcoming exams! YOU CAN DO IT! :)
"Pick her up and pretend you're going to throw her in the pool. She'll scream and fight you, but secretly, she'll love it. Hold her hand while you talk. Hold her hand when you drive. Just hold her hand. Tell her she looks pretty. Look her in the eyes when you talk to her. Protect her. Tell her stupid jokes. Tickle her, even when she says stop. When she starts swearing at you, tell her you love her. Let her fall asleep in your arms. Get her mad, then kiss her. Tease her and let her tease you back. Kiss her on the cheek. Kiss her on the forehead. Just kiss her. Let her wear your clothes. Go slow. Don't push anything. When you fall in love with her, TELL HER."
School for 2 hours today. I did came and did a lil bit of DSG. Deadline is nextweek and i`m not even done with half of it yet. Not productive, Nisah. Gonna get down on it on Wednesday onwards. Been on it before, should not let anything happen and make it better this time round. Alot of pressure this time round since it`s the second time. No doubt people keep on hoping and asking for the best, what i hope i can give, i hope people will accept it. Insyaallah. :)
School was cool today i love it! :)
Guess who!
So me and Faisal were a lil bit hyper in lab today. Idk we just were. Hahahaha shitty faces!
Early dinner with Faisal,Sharul,Seri and Leeya while waiting for the rain to stop! Bedal maha bedal hahahahahahaha! Awesome.Ok and it was really a tiring day. Really. Maybe those aches due to gym yesterday. Oh wells. Goodluck to IEH for tomorrow`s presentation. You`ll do just great trust me. Muahs! :)